How to avoid a midlife crisis and celebrate this phase of life

By Jancee Dunn, The New York Times

Midlife — which, according to the American Psychological Association, spans from 36 to 64 — is known as a high-stress era of lost youth, declining health, job pressures, and caretaking. When most of us hear the word “midlife,” we probably think of “crisis,” said Margie Lachman, a professor of psychology at Brandeis University. “It’s just this universal association, which is unfortunate.”

So how do we make this time more a celebration than an implosion?

• Be unapologetic about who you are. During the so-called afternoon of life, we often shift our focus from what has been called the “résumé” qualities of our youth (what we do) to “eulogy” qualities (who we are), said Chip Conley, author of “Learning to Love Midlife.” Making that shift isn’t automatic, so Mr. Conley suggested an exercise. List old identities that no longer reflect who you are. Then jot down any outdated beliefs from your youth that no longer apply. When you’re done, throw the list away. This acknowledges who you were while creating room for new identities, he said.
• Go full throttle on a weird hobby. If possible, try something you’ve always wanted to do. If you have the resources, book that quirky trip, a birding expedition, the Hallmark Channel Christmas Cruise. Mr. Conley suggested asking: Ten years from now, what will I regret not learning or doing?
• Celebrate overlooked milestones. Mark the transitions that make midlife unique, Mr. Conley said. Throw an empty-nest party when your last child leaves home. If you’ve hit menopause — the average age is 51 — have a “menopause shower” where you trade tips on coping with symptoms. And don’t avoid your 50th birthday, Mr. Conley said; instead, do something special.
• Invest in your friendships. Throughout adulthood, our social lives tend to shrink as we immerse ourselves in jobs or family life, Dr. Lachman said. But during midlife, Mr. Conley said, friends aren’t a “‘nice to have,’ they’re a ‘need to have.’” Kids grow up and move out, divorce rates rise among those over 50 and health problems tend to increase. Friendships are key to our psychological and physical well-being, said Rosanne Leipzig, a professor of internal medicine and palliative medicine at Mount Sinai and author of “Honest Aging.” “Friendships set you up for the future,” Dr. Leipzig said.

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